One cannot really avoid conflicts in today’s fast-paced working environment. It isn’t anymore a question of avoiding conflicts. It is a question of dealing with them reasonably well, and making sure they don’t have a devastating impact on your performance at work, and on your relationships with other employees. That’s exactly the ability hiring managers are trying to assess when asking you questions such as: “Tell us about a conflict you had with one of your colleagues in your last job”, or “How do you deal with conflicts?”. Let’s have a look at how to deal with such questions. As always, we start with a picture:
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The Basics
- Most common interview questions belonging to this area: Tell us about a conflict you had with one of your colleagues in the past. How do you deal with conflicts? Tell us about a time you found it difficult to work with someone.
- Less common questions belonging to the area: Tell us about a time when you disagreed with your boss. How well do you get along with others?
- Out of 10 random jobs, in how many cases will this area be tested during the hiring process: 7/10. Conflicts belong to every workplace. Unless destructive or turned into an ego-battle, they aren’t necessarily something negative. But when it is an ego-battle, and when people are blind to the perspective of the other conflict party, internal conflict can destroy the team or even the entire small business. It is a serious issue, and that’s why your attitude to conflicts, and the way you deal with them, will be tested in most interviews.
- Difficulty: 3/5. Average difficulty. There are a few key principles you need to learn to show the right attitude to conflicts, and a few mistakes to avoid, and that’s it. Plus one or two situations from your former job or school, real of fictive ones, to demonstrate the right attitude. It is tempting to give this question area a difficulty score of 2/5, but there is one caveat: that they may intentionally put you under pressure in an interview, creating a tense situation, and watch how you react, and whether you actually do not turn it into a conflict… But don’t worry, after reading this post you’ll be prepared for this option.
- Main goals of the hiring managers with questions belonging to this area: Understanding how you deal with conflicts in the workplace. Assessing how likely you are to start conflicts, and how prone you are to negative consequences of conflicts in general. Testing your level of empathy and emotional intelligence (which is reflected in the way you deal with conflicts).
- Your main goals with answers to questions belonging to this area: Convincing the hiring managers that you can handle conflicts in a calm manner, without unnecessary emotions. Demonstrating that you never start destructive conflicts, and that when you’re involuntary involved in such, you do you best to pacify it. Demonstrating that conflicts don’t affect your work or relationships with your colleagues in a long run, that you can get over them.
7 sample answers
Sample answer no. 1: Talking about working with a difficult colleague in a corporate job:
I found it extremely difficult to work with a financial analyst in my last job. It was pivotal that they delivered their reports on time, and as early as possible, so we in the sales department could make the right decisions on each given day. But the analyst was a laid back guy. They were precise, they rarely made mistakes, just they did not do the job quickly enough. After calmly explaining them a couple of times why we needed their analyses in the shortest possible time, and not being heard out, I got angry and said some bad words in their direction, which is something I regret up to this point. Eventually I raised the issue with their superior, which was a more sensible solution, and the situation improved somehow. I still found it difficult to get along with this teammate, but at least I managed to keep it professional, and did not start any other conflicts.
- Quick thing to notice about this answer: Notice how clearly the applicant describes the situation, and honestly assesses their emotions. They even share their failure to deal with a situation without emotions (“I got angry and said some bad words in their direction”). They also clearly describe what they did afterwards to solve the tricky situation (“I raised the issue with their superior, which was a more sensible solution”). They learned their lesson but there is one thing we can improve about the answer–avoiding “is something I regret up to this point”. It is important to show that you eventually got over the conflict, regardless of how severe it was…
Sample answer no. 2: An applicant with no previous working experience talks about difficulties with colleagues in a corporate setting:
This is my first job application, so I cannot speak about an example from work. However, I am aware that you have a diverse team of people in place, and that I won’t find it easy to get along with everyone. In my opinion, however, it is completely all right. Our colleagues aren’t our partners, or our family. Sure enough, you become friends with some and won’t have much to talk about with others. As long as you keep it professional, however, and do not start pointless conflicts just because they believe in another God, or vote for another candidate in the elections, you should be fine. That’s exactly what I want to do–I want to focus on work, the goals we try to reach as a team, and not on things that separate us. This has worked well for me at school, and I am sure it will work fine in the job.
- Quick thing to notice here: It is always good showing realistic expectations when it comes to relationships in the workplace and conflicts (“I won’t find it easy to get along with everyone…”), as long as you explain that it is something normal, and it won’t have an impact on you. Notice how the candidate wants to focus on things they have in common with their colleagues (“…want to focus on work, the goals we try to reach as a team, and not on things that separate us…”). Overall a good answer for someone with no previous working experience.
Sample answer no. 3: A typical corporate employee talks about his way of dealing with conflicts:
First of all, I learned in life that conflicts simply belong to the workplace. It doesn’t matter how empathic you are, how attentive to the needs and feelings of your colleagues you become. Everyone feels some pressure in the corporate workplace, and with pressure and tension we sometimes say things we wouldn’t normally say, and we may even start conflicts. My way of dealing with conflicts is first and foremost to approach them without emotions. Regardless of what the other conflict party does or says, stay calm and listen to them, without adding more oil to fire. Then acknowledge their opinion, so they feel you heard them out. And then take a remedy according to the given situation. Maybe apologize, try to change something at work. In some cases we may have to raise the issue with the manager as well. But most important thing is not to burn the bridges, to keep things professional. I believe I am good at it, and hope to be the pacifying force in my new job as well.
- Quick thing to notice here: The candidate clearly defined their way of dealing with conflicts. They showed empathy and understanding, and also suggested particular ways of making sure conflicts won’t affect the relationships in the workplace in a long run. It is also nice that they suggested an option to apologize–a clear sign that they are ready to admit someone else was right, and won’t sustain the conflict just to protect their position in the team, or their own ego…
Sample answer no. 4: Leaving a job because of constant disagreement with the manager:
I found it difficult to work with my superior in my last job, because they had unrealistic demands on me. I was a new force in the company, the training I got was extremely limited, and they expected me to work with SAP and other information systems I had almost no previous experience with. Having said that, I enjoy learning new things, and I wanted to get into it, and get the job done. But they expected too much from me right from the start. I stayed two hours overtime every day during the first two weeks, and still it wasn’t enough–they still demanded more. Eventually I decided to leave the company. In my opinion, it makes no sense fighting the windmills. I explained to them many times why I needed more time, but to no avail. The only option really was to leave, and so I did it.
- Quick thing to notice about this one: Bad relationships with colleagues are one of the most common reasons why people quit jobs. And that’s all right, and you can narrate such a situation in your interview. The key is to ensure the interviewers that you tried your best to solve the situation (“…I wanted to get into it, and get the job done…stayed two hours overtime every day during the first two weeks…”). Sometimes thins simply don’t work out, regardless of how hard we try. Hiring managers know it, and they will appreciate your honesty. Just make sure to not blame the other person for you quitting the job. It was your decision, because of the way they treated you. But it was still your decision…
Sample answer no. 5: Applicant with no previous experience talks about conflicts at school:
I remember a good example from school, one when I had to deal with someone difficult. The teacher divided us to small groups of three people and assigned each group a project to work on during the semester. I must admit that I wasn’t happy with their selection, because my ideas about the work were very different than the ideas of the other two team members. At the beginning we got nothing done, because we were just having conflicts about the methodology of research and similar issues. I eventually decided to back off, and let them lead the project, because I realized that if I stubbornly kept my line, we’d move nowhere. I actually learned an important lesson–sometimes you have to let go of your ego, and let others to lead, however difficult you may find it. In some cases it is the only way to move forward, and to get the job done when you work with colleagues or classmates who are difficult to get along with. Sometimes the only way out of a conflict is to surrender…
- Quick thin to notice about this one: A brilliant answer from a young applicant. They forego their ego and opinion for the benefit of the team, for the eventual goal they try to reach together (“…I realized that if I stubbornly kept my line, we’d move nowhere”). Hiring mangers will love such an attitude. Now it doesn’t mean that you simply say yes to everyone and everything. Not at all. You share your opinion, take part in a constructive discussion (conflict), but are eventually ready to back off for the higher good if necessary.
Sample answer no. 6: Manager finds it difficult to work with a particular client:
I found it really hard to work with one of our major clients. They were ordering huge quantities from us, but they were always bargaining, sending samples back, asking for additional warranties. They had many unrealistic demands. But I realized how big they were for us, and that we could not afford to lose them. Hence I tried to keep my temper under control, and diplomatically solved every issue they raised, trying to keep them happy, and at the same time stay sane and make sure that our company was still profitable in the deals. It was a tricky situation to negotiate, because I often felt like shouting on the phone, or simply hanging up. But I managed to keep my emotions under control, and keep the client onboard, though I found it extremely hard to get along with them.
- Quick thing to notice: It is pivotal to keep your emotions under control, in any conflict situation you describe. That’s one of the points you can always mention, regardless of the situation you narrate.
Sample answer no. 7: Describing a conflict with a colleague in the last job:
The biggest conflict I had in my last job was one with a colleague from the same working group. They had a different opinion on the methodology of our work, and they blamed me for the results we had achieved in one of our audits. I tried to stay calm and explained them that we had agreed upon the methodology together, and I also admitted that they might be right, and we might try a different approach next time, while auditing the same department. I did not go into an argument with them, and I did not take their accusations personally. Conflicts belong to every workplace, and I count with experiencing them also here. A constructive conflict can actually benefit both conflict parties, and I never restrain from taking part in such conflict. But it is always important to set clear boundaries. We can and perhaps even should discuss our ideas, and we should be critical—that’s the way to eventually find the best solution. But we should never get lost in aimless personal conflicts or other ego-boasting efforts.
- Quick thing to notice about this answer: After describing the situation in detail, the applicant clearly shares their attitude to aimless conflicts (“… we should never get lost in aimless personal conflicts or other ego-boasting efforts…”).
Advanced information
Mistakes people make while answering questions about conflicts and dealing with difficult people
- Getting emotional and irrational. A very common mistake I notice with questions about conflicts. Narrating the situation, all memories and emotions come back. You cannot hold it, it repeats all over again in your mind. Your head gets red, you raise your voice without realizing it. And we know immediately that you cannot handle the conflict as well as you claim to–because you still hasn’t got over this one in your mind… Be aware of this mistake. Practice your answer in advance, and make sure that you can talk about the conflict without emotions. If you still cannot, it is better talking about some other situation, one you’ve already done with in your head.
- Failing to show understanding and respect for other opinions. Once again, our ego is our greatest enemy. I don’t find it surprising that many times when describing a conflict situation, interviewees try to convince the hiring managers that they were right, and the other conflict party was wrong. Even if true, this is never a way to score good points for your answer. Because we don’t care about who was right–we care only about your attitude… Make sure to give some credit to other conflict party. Show understanding for their opinion. Show some empathy. Failing to do so is a big mistake and in some cases this mistake alone can cost you your chances in the interview…
- Failing to deal with the conflict we “create” in an interview. We sometimes create a tense situation while meeting you, on purpose, but it is nothing personal. It is our way of testing how you deal with stressful and conflict situations in a real time. Needless to say, unless you pass this test, which means remaining calm and approach our little “interview conflict” without emotions, we won’t believe your fairy-tales about how well you handle bigger conflicts and stressful situations in the workplace. Keep it on your mind and stay on guard for such unofficial tests in the interviews.
Few points from the perspective of the hiring managers/interviewers
- Mistakes are very common with questions about conflicts. From all 14 areas of interview questions we’ve covered so far, this is the one where people make the most mistakes. Failing to let go of their ego, trying to look as winners in the eyes of the hiring managers, failing to accept responsibility for the conflict situations, showing lack of empathy, and so on. Make sure to prepare carefully for this one, read again all the mistakes I describe here, and in an ideal case practice your answer upfront with someone else.
7 keywords to remember when answering questions belonging to this area
- Show empathy and understanding, admit that other conflict party can be right, keep your emotions under control while describing the situation, every ego battle is a bad battle to lead, getting over any conflict is a key, keep it professional and do not call anyone stupid or incompetent, be aware of real-time test of your ability to deal with conflicts.
So that’s it! You’ve just covered area no. 14 out of 25 areas that cover 99% of questions you may ever get in the interviews. Just 11 areas left! Check the next one: Customer Service, or go back to homepage for the full list of 25 areas and pick one you want to learn about and practice right now.
